Coaching For Possibility by Marilyn Edelson

Coaching for Possibility
by Marilyn Edelson

"Possibility," according to Webster’s Dictionary, is defined as "that which is possible; a thing which may possibly happen, be or exist." The coach’s task, as I see it, is to create "possibility" or, even, multiple possibilities for clients. Often such possibilities involve taking a client into the unknown or to a place they would never go alone.

What are the factors that allow something to happen that would not have ordinarily? What actually makes coaching work? The most compelling aspect of coaching is that it is future-oriented. This allows the use of language to be a powerful vehicle for change. The simplest example is the words "I do" in the wedding ceremony. Two simple words (and a license) change everything from that moment forward. Words do truly give us our reality, explaining why affirmations—hokey as they might seem—can be a powerful tool for change. Equally as powerful is having a client declare or commit to what they want to generate in their lives, their businesses, their relationships"e.g., "I’m an entrepreneur," "a coach," "a leader."

Several years ago a PBS documentary on a longitudinal study done in England showed children who were asked how they saw their futures. The children who said, "I’m going to be rich" became rich. The ones who said "I’m going to be a failure" failed. Harvard researcher Ellen Langer who studies "mindfulness" has written extensively about this phenomenon, which she refers to as "pre-cognitive commitment" (Ellen J. Langer, Mindfulness, Perseus Press, 1990). The reason affirmation, declarations and writing down goals work is that our speaking sends a "no kidding" message to the unconscious. Otherwise our thoughts come and go and we easily lose some of our best intentions. "I am" vs. "I’m going to be. . ." says we are already that to which we aspire. All we need to do is take the appropriate actions to solidify our intention. For example, the first-time bride and groom don’t know how to be married yet; nonetheless they have a new reality to live into.

We want to believe something is possible but a nagging voice in our brain (referred to by some as the "gremlin") has a different opinion. "You’re stupid," "you’re just a girl," "you’ll never . . ." This is where coaches earn their keep. Knowing how to listen for and guide the client to combat their gremlin (also known as the self-saboteur or negative self-talk) is often critical to the fulfillment of a client’s dreams. Once the gremlin is "tamed," usually a matter of developing greater self-awareness, the path to possibility is cleared.

The final ingredient in actualizing possibility is the coach holding the client accountable for producing the intended results. If the results aren’t achieved, something can still be learned from the process if only "what would be possible if . . . next time?"